arriving in Lahore

I was nervous and scared. But I new these feelings were not going to help me now, so I decided to stop them and be strong istead. As soon as a bus crossed Indian- Pakistani border nothing changed, exept all the signs were from now on in urdu and the streets were so much cleaner here. Inspite of that I still did not know what to expect, in a country which world was describing as one of the most dangerous nowadays. I was afraid that T would be late and I would have to wait alone in this plac,e I have no idea about what its like and how to behave.
Bus entered the closed parking space surrounded with high walls and barbed wire. I saw him through the window, standing there, tall, looking at the bus, in dark red t-shirt. After long minutes of waiting bus finally stopped, I got out, took my rucksack being the first one from all the passengers and went out of the parking spot, through small wooden door. I walked the warm street, caring heavy rucksack on one arm, looked up at him and didn’t know what to do.
In Pakistan women and man are not allowed to show their feellings in public, no hugs, no kissing, not even holding hands.
He hugged me, saying he doesn’t care, but I couldn’t stop feeling we are strangers now. So much time has passed. We went insinde his friend’s car and we started talking. I was chating with them like I do with people offering me a ride during my hitch-hiking trips, it felt so strange. I was tired and I was going on some kind of autopilot. H., his friend, was a good guy, he gave us a ride to Auntie’s house. We were suppouse to stay there for some time. It was the most beutiful old house, with high cellings, big garden and tall windows. Inside was huge and had an antique look. I felt there, like in the old times scenery. T introduced me to Auntie and Uncle and two of their children. They were all so nice and caring that I felt little guilty being tired and boring, and just wanting to sleep after my trip. They gave us the room together, which was surprising to me, cause I thought in Pakistan everybody is conservative and would never let sleep unmarried couple in the same room. So much I didn’t know yet.
I don’t remember a lot from my first day in Pakistan. I was too tired and in a little bit of a shock. Even after T kissed me when we were finally alone I couldn’t relax. I felt a little bit like after a car crush, I couldn’t believe that I came here, to this place, to see T. after five years. We were both different now, older and changed, and we had to find eachother again.

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